Ok, for those of you who do not know the backstory, let me quickly some important parts: A country called Grado unexpectedly attacked a country called Renais. The king of Renais was killed, and Princess Eirika barely escaped with her life thanks to the noble efforts of her knight Seth who was badly wounded by an enemy named Valter during the escape. War quickly began.
After some time of traveling and battles, Eirika had been showing Seth extra attention due to his wound that seemed never to fully heal. He, ever the dutiful, loyal knight, suggested that she show him less attention, as the princess should not show one knight more attention than other knight. However, he reconsidered his words and told her that he felt more for her than just what a knight should feel for his princess, and she expressed similar feelings.
Now, the basic synopsis of this FF is this: Sometime during the war, Seth was in a battle in the mountains, and he was bested by a Grado soldier who threw him off the cliff. Everyone assumed he was dead.
He wasn't.
Two years have passed, the war is over, and for his own reasons, he hasn't told anyone he's alive.
Then he finds out Eirika, who is now the queen of Renais, is engaged to be married.
I hope you enjoy it!
***
Seth
pounded again, and again, and again at the red hot, bent horseshoe, forcing it
to yield to his wishes. The loud clang,
clang, clang of the metal against metal resounded from the smithy out into
the street. For the past year these monotonous actions had relaxed him, kept
him sane, kept him from yielding to the selfish longings that pained his heart
daily.
It
wasn’t clean work, being a blacksmith. Soot coated his simple peasant clothing
and sweat dripped down his back. It also wasn’t glorious work, certainly not
compared to what he did two years ago, silver knight to Ei- to the Queen, Seth silently
corrected himself for the thousandth time, pounding the horseshoe a little
harder, one last time before plunging it into water, sending steam rising into
the air.
Trying
and failing to turn his thoughts to other things, Seth sighed dejectedly as he
removed the horseshoe. However, a ringing bell caught his attention, and he paused
in his work to hear the town crier’s announcement.
“Hear ye! Hear ye!” The hubbub on
the street gradually died down as the city’s residents also stopped what they
were doing. “Queen Eirika, in her supreme benevolence, wishes to announce to
the citizens of Renais that she is now engaged and will be married a month from
now on the…” The rest of the announcement seemed to fade away as Seth’s eyes
widened, his heart stopped, he forgot how to breathe. He clutched the hammer in
his callused, shaking hand, his knuckles turning white as he gripped it.
Eirika.
Engaged. Engaged to be married. To another man. The strength left his body,
and Seth’s knees hit the ground, the hammer falling from his grip. He felt as
if his heart was slowly being crushed in his chest. He couldn’t breathe; he
gasped for air, trying to fill his lungs, trying to calm his heart, his mind.
He had known this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. Of course
she was going to get married. Married for political reasons or… married for
love. Seth clutched his chest, his body numb, his mind racing, his heart
burning.
“Seth?
Seth, meh lad. What’s the matter with ye?” Gavin, the kind man that had
apprenticed Seth a year ago, touched his shoulder.
“I…”
Seth couldn’t make his tongue work, and he was at a loss for words anyway. What
was he to say? With great effort, he forced his mouth to form words. “I’m… not…
feeling well, Gavin.”
“Well
come on, let’s sit ye down.” Gavin helped Seth to the workbench. Seth put his
hands on his knees, his eyes staring sightlessly in front of him. “What’s the
matter with ye?” Gavin repeated.
“Gavin. I’m very sorry, but I need
to go. I can’t… I can’t…”
“It’s
fine, it’s fine, lad. In the year I’ve known ye, you’ve been the best
apprentice a blacksmith could wish for. Ye just need a break. Ye’re worn out,
is all. Do ye need help home?”
He
thought he surely did. He couldn’t function. He couldn’t think straight, but he
muttered, “No. No. I can manage.” Gavin’s worried eyes boring into his back,
Seth rose from his seat and half walked, half stumbled out of the smithy and
down the street.
He couldn’t grasp a single thought
for more than a moment. His heart thumped incessantly, and his lungs still
couldn’t get enough air. He was aware of these things, but he really didn’t
care about them. The town crier’s words swirled around in his mind, and that
was all he cared about. Eirika. Married.
Seth, halfway down a deserted alley, stopped and fell against the wall, hands
in fists, eyes wide, mouth agape in a silent cry of torment.
He
crushed his knuckles to his eyes, taking slow ragged breaths. He couldn’t... He
couldn’t do this. He couldn’t go to work tomorrow and act as if nothing had
changed. He couldn’t close his heart forever and say that final goodbye… Not
without seeing her. He had to see her. He had
to see her, even if it were the last time he ever would.
The
decision his heart had been yearning for years finally made, Seth shut his
mouth and opened his eyes, as his heart slowly calmed its rampage. Seth turned
from the wall, determined to return home, to change his smithy’s clothing, and
then to… see her.
***
Eirika listened
to the farmer’s tale of wolves eating his livestock and nodded in sympathy and
understanding. At the end of his plea, Eirika immediately dispatched soldiers
to kill the wolves. The farmer thanked her again and again, bowing repeatedly
as he backed away from her.
“Of course. It’s no problem at
all.” Eirika murmured tiredly.
With
his exit, she concluded her final meeting for the day. She let out a small
breath, standing from her hard throne for the first time since early that
morning. Such a simple pleasure of rising to her feet felt incredibly nice. “Your Majesty,” her advisor spoke to her. “Dinner
shall be served shortly. In the meantime, there is some important business
concerning—“
“I beg
your pardon, your Majesty,” another man’s voice said. Eirika glanced away from
her advisor to the man who handled her weekly meetings with her subjects. David
was his name. He continued. “I know today’s meetings have just concluded, but
we have a late comer. I explained to him that you were not seeing anyone else
today, but, your Majesty, he begged me to allow him to see you. He said it was
desperately important.” David shrugged slightly, apologetically. Eirika closed
her eyes for a moment, standing before her throne.
“Of
course I shall see him,” she replied. “Show him in.”
David bowed,
“Right away.”
“Oh,
David?” The man turned back to her immediately, looking at her inquisitively.
“What is his name?”
“I
believe he said it was Seth.” Eirika stiffened. Then she blinked, and she
realized it was just someone else… with his name. “Very well,” she repeated,
and David bowed once more, exiting the hall.
***
Seth’s
heart had taken up its riot again, this time from terror, however, rather than
horror, and it was all he could do to keep from turning and leaving the palace
before David returned. Was this really happening? Was he really here? Seth
anxiously ran his fingers through his hair. Would she recognize him? Could she,
possibly? His hair was a bit longer, his clothes far less regal—all black but
for a gold lining about his up-turned collar—but they were the best he had now.
Would he even be allowed to see her to begin with?
Seth
flinched when David said his name. He turned. “Queen Eirika has agreed to see
you.”
He nodded.
The moment for which he had both been longing and dreading had come, and he
didn’t know whether his heart leapt from joy or fear. The man gestured for Seth
to follow him. His legs like lead, Seth couldn’t remember a time in his life
when he was this terrified—not when he met his commander for the first time so
long ago, not during the many battles in which he fought for his life, not even
when he almost died. Seth stumbled slightly, catching himself before he hit the
ground, and tried to calm his ragged nerves.
The
great hall was as he remembered it, although he had not entered it for so long.
He peered with anxious eyes towards the throne, managing to stumble again when
he saw her, his queen, his Eirika. She stood before her throne, her long bluish
hair falling into lazy curls, her simple dress red and white, her delicate
hands covered by long gloves, her face... just as beautiful as he remembered
it. Nay, more beautiful, more regal. Seth didn’t want to look away, didn’t want
to blink, even for a second. She was like a melody he wanted repeated again and
again, like a scent he couldn’t get enough of.
When she turned from her advisor
and her gaze met Seth’s, she stopped mid-sentence, her sapphire eyes widening.
Gracefully, she sank upon her throne, her hands clutching the arms, her eyes
never leaving his. Seth clenched his hands. She recognized him! The advisor
bent towards her, apparently concerned for her health as David obliviously
announced Seth, bowed, and left the chamber. Seth slowly bowed to this, his
queen. Yes, his queen, in every sense of the phrase.
In the
quietest, sweetest murmur Seth had ever heard, Eirika nearly whimpered,
“S-Seth?” The sound of his name on her lips swept away the last two years for a
moment, and Seth closed his eyes, suddenly her silver knight once again, and he
had to fight with all his willpower to keep from striding up to her and taking
her in his arms. He stood frozen until the moment passed, then carefully looked
at her. He managed a small nod.
“Your
Majesty?” Her advisor murmured to her, looking from his queen, to Seth, and
back again.
Standing
on shaky legs, Eirika looked at her advisor and said in a clear, strong voice,
“Everyone leave the room.”
This took the man off guard.
“Your
Majesy…, I highly recommend your reconsidering that order. Perhaps it would be
best to leave the guards at least?”
“Nay,”
she replied, looking back at Seth, “I’m perfectly safe.” A shiver went down
Seth’s spine. She hadn’t seen him in two years, yet her faith in him was still
so strong? Overwhelmed, he swayed on his feet. “Leave us, Pater. I do not want
to be disturbed,” She commanded. Pater looked at them worriedly, then bowed and
obeyed his queen, ushering everyone out.
Eirika’s
facade of strength left her when the doors closed with a thump. Her brave face morphed
to disbelief and concern and something else Seth couldn’t quite recognize. Deliberately,
she stepped down from her throne, but seemed to steal herself from coming
closer. Although they were still several feet apart, they were now at least on
the same level. “How—“ she started hesitantly. Pausing a moment, she shook her
head and began again. “How are you… alive? I- I saw you die.” Her voice
cracked, and she closed her eyes a moment, as he had done shortly before. “Is
it really you? Is it really Seth? How can this be?”
Unconsciously
taking a step forward, Seth spread his hands and explained, “I didn’t die that
day…, Your Majesty. As you know, I was thrown off a cliff by a Grado soldier. I
fell quite a ways, but I didn’t hit the bottom. I landed on an outcrop some
distance down, terribly wounded… but alive.”
“You
were… alive?” Eirika put her hand to her head, her eyes glistening. “We could
have… A pegasus… Somebody could have rescued you. I… We all thought you were
gone.”
Seth’s
heart ached at the sight of her distressed face. He explained, “I don’t
remember much of what happened after that. They tell me that some children from
the village nearby were wandering, playing, exploring. They found me and got
help. By that time, however I was feverish, dehydrated… My wounds were
grievous. When the people recognized that I was a knight of Renais, they, in
gratitude for your saving their village, cared for me and refused to give up on
me. For months I lay in bed, so close to death.” Seth tightened his hands into
fists. “I barely remember those months. The fevered dreams are all that I can
recall.” He looked down, flashes of terror flickering behind his eyes. “Danger.
You were in danger. I had to save you. I had to get to you. I had to get up. I
had to get better and find you. I had to save you…. These were the only
thoughts that pervaded my mind at that time.”
The
tears silently fell down Eirika’s cheeks, and Seth longed to reach towards her,
to wipe them away, to kiss them away, to make her forget they were ever there.
Seth’s fingernails bit into his palm, and he forced himself to relax his hands,
his eyes drifting up from her lips to her eyes once more. “When I finally
recovered from the brink of death, I was too weak to do much more than eat and
sleep. More months passed, impatience for my strength to return almost killing
me more than my wounds did. Although there were no more fevered dreams, I was
still tormented by nightmares and the war raging and putting you into
unimaginable danger. There I was, in bed or wearily taking a few steps, unable
to protect you… to be at your side.”
Eirika’s
crossed her arms, choking back a sob. He swallowed, his throat raw from old
anguish. “When I was finally well enough to leave, to find you, the journey was
slow. I was still weak, and I was so deep in the mountains that to cross them
took time. When I finally made it
over, a year since my fall had passed…” At these words, Eirika clutched at her
arms and closed her eyes, trembling and seemingly trying to control her
emotions. Seth took a small breath and continued, “I found another city, a less
obscure city than the one in which I made my convalescence, and I learned that
the war was over. Of course, my first questions were of your safety. When I
learned you were back here, that you were soon to be made queen, I rejoiced and
was on the road the next day, needing to reach you.
“As I traveled, however, I made
some realizations. First, that since the war was over, you would need far less
protection. Second, that in my months of being confined to bed, I had lost my
edge. I could walk, but with a sword, a spear— I was so out of practice as to
be nearly useless. Therefore, you would be far better off trusting one who had
trained frequently to protect his queen.” Eireka shook her head, as if wanting
to say something, but Seth rushed on before she could, “My final realization
was made, when I arrived and saw you speaking to your citizens. You were happy.
You were home. You needed to put the war behind you and move on, and if I were
to come into your life again—well, that would have been…” Seth gestured in the
air, trying to express himself, to try to explain his reasoning. “It would have
been selfish…, and I couldn’t force those painful memories on you again just
because I wanted to see you… to hear your voice.” His words were laced with
pain and desire.
Taking
another deep breath, Seth finally looked away from Eirika’s tear-stricken face
and finished his tale simply and quickly. “I took work with a man named Gavin,
a smithy… I’ve been there until now.”
Silence
drifted around them like the wings of a pegasus, but Seth refused to turn his
eyes back to hers. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t know what he would see, and he
didn’t feel strong enough to look her in the eye again.
Finally,
in a broken voice, Eirika asked, “Then why have you come to me now?”
Seth
shuddered, closing his eyes and turning himself further away, towards the
windows filled with the orange rays of twilight. He stepped nearer them,
needing to put a little more space between him and Eirika. “Because—“ his voice
was unsteady. Again, he clenched his hands and fought to control the feelings
threatening to drown him in their tidal wave. “Because the town crier…
announced your engagement today.” He barked a humorless laugh. “I didn’t even
hear to whom you were engaged. All I heard was that Queen Eirika was going to be married.” Unable to force himself to look
at her, Seth let go of the wave of emotion he had been fighting, not just today,
but for years. As it washed over him, the force of it made him sway gently and
gasp for breath. This was too important. He had to make her understand why her
engagement was killing him. “Eirika, my
princess Eirika… was going to marry another man.” Seth heard a slight intake of
breath, and he fought against the desire to see her reaction. He continued.
“In
some part of my mind, I knew your eventual marriage was inevitable.” Seth
clutched at his chest, “But when I heard the words, it was like… It was like my
whole world shattered. I couldn’t
breathe, I couldn’t think. I was going mad! I quickly came to the conclusion
that I had to see you. I had to see
you at least one last time,” his voice cracked, and he struggled to keep it
steady as, still turned from her, he stared at the floor, the windows, the
regal ivory pillars, anything but the direction of his dear Eirika.
“The first time I saw you,” he
murmured in a thick voice, “I fell in love with you.” Silence devoured his
words. After a moment, he went on, “I didn’t believe in love at first sight. I
thought that was a ridiculous notion- to fall in love with a person whose character
you do not even know, but that day I stood corrected. I can still recall that
moment to my mind... You were walking out with your brother, and you were both
laughing. You were going horseback riding… When I met you a short time later,
when I began to learn more and more about you… I just fell deeper… and deeper.”
He
paused. This was difficult, more difficult than he’d ever imagined. “You were
my princess, of course. I had to protect you, and falling in love with you—I
saw no harm. I would only protect you more fiercely, and, besides, there was
nothing I could do to stop myself from loving you. I was too far gone that
first day I saw you… But again, you were my princess.
I was your knight. I knew, in truth,
we could never be together. It broke my heart…, but I knew my duty.”
His
mouth kept speaking as if he had no control over it, all the hidden thoughts
and feelings he’d bundled up for so long, finally rushing out. “During the war,
when you showed such attention to me after I received a wound from Valter, I
hoped that you might… But no, I couldn’t believe that you would… love…” Seth
desperately wished to look at her, to see if her expression revealed any sign.
“But I didn’t want you to think of me only out of pity… So I pushed you away. I
carefully tried to tell you how I felt… How I wanted to take you away and
protect you, but my duty always kept me from really speaking the truth to you,
as I am now. Now… You see, now,
although you’re my queen, I’m no longer your knight.” With a shrug, he spoke
the truth, “I’m nothing. Duty guides me no longer. My heart rules me, and my
heart beats for only one reason, for only one desire... I don’t expect I will
ever satisfy that longing, but before you became…” Seth swallowed past the lump
in his throat. “Before you became married. I had to tell you. I had to try. I would have died if I had stayed
away. At the very least…, I had to see you one last time, to hold onto the
image of your face forever.”
The silence that followed these,
his fervent final words, was deafeningly loud. Seth stood frozen to the spot,
wishing and dreading to hear what she was thinking. Though he knew it was only
a few seconds, the silence seemed to stretch on forever. “Please,” he whispered
desperately, “please speak to me. Even to send me away. I can’t… I have to—“
“Seth.” The one word, his name, was
so filled with heartbreaking emotion that his knees suddenly felt terribly
weak, and he had to look at her. He
turned, dread and desperate hope warring in his chest.
Eirika’s expression was a mix of so
many feelings, that Seth couldn’t understand what she was thinking. Her cheeks
were wet from her tears and touched with red. Her lips quivered, unable to
decide between a contortion of agony or a smile of joy. She was tremulous,
trying to say something further but seemingly unable to utter another word.
Finally, she managed simply, “Oh
Seth!” and stumbled towards him and clutched him, pressing her face to his
shoulder and crying. Seth, shocked, concerned, and confused, staggered
backwards from the force of her motion until his back found a pillar for
support, and his legs finally gave out. He slid to the floor with Eirika in his
arms, one hand on her back, the other in her hair as she clutched him, weeping
as if heartbroken. Seth shiveringly held her to him, his lips just inches from
her hair, uncertain what he should do.
She incoherently muttered
continually. He could hardly understand her, but he desperately wanted to
comfort her and murmured “Sh… sh... it’s alright. It’s alright,” and stroked
her hair, clutching her gently to him.
“You’re alive… You’re here,” she
whispered through her tears. She continued muttering, but was so emotional that
her words were an almost senseless jumble. Seth just held her tightly, on some
level knowing how she felt, and trying to ease her pain, his fingers shaking as
he ran them through her blue tresses again and again, wondering, hoping,
dreading to know whether she felt for him what he felt for her.
After some time, she gradually
quietened as Seth gently rocked her back and forth. “Seth,” she whispered, then
laughed brokenly, “All I seem to be able to say is your name.” She lifted her
still damp face from his chest to look into his eyes. He gazed back at her,
extremely aware of their proximity, of every part of them that touched. They
were so close. So temptingly close.
Every move she made, as tiny as it may be, was noticed by Seth. His eyes roved
across her face, his lips tingling.
“Eirika,” he whispered, the only
word on his thoughts, the only word he could possibly think to say.
“Seth,” she responded, her voice just
as quiet in the huge hall, so quiet even he almost could not hear it. She
continued, “Seth, there’s something you don’t understand. You see…,” she
reached up her hand and brushed his cheek with her knuckles, sending tremors
racing through him. Then she whispered, “I’m in love with you too. I have been
for... for so long. I don’t even know when I started to love you. Maybe, as you
say, I’ve been in love with you forever.” Seth’s heart stopped; his eyes
widened; his body tensed. Was this real? It must be some dream, some fantasy.
It couldn’t be…
“What?” He choked out, his palm
cupping her face.
“These past two years,” she replied
in a voice laced with agony, “have been torture.
I thought you were…,” she stopped herself, seemingly unable to go on. “Oh,
Seth,” she shook her head, “you speak of loving me as if it had been
unrequited. But it wasn’t. It never
was. I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”
Disbelief and joy raged through his
body as his heart thundered in his chest. Then he his crushed his lips to hers,
his hands on her face, in her hair, on her back, pulling her closer to him as
his mouth moved against hers desperately. The scent of her, the feel of her
molding herself to him, returning the kiss, the soft touch of her lips, nearly
drove him mad and made him drunk from the taste of her. He thought he must be
giving Eirika bruises with his fierceness, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care.
She loved him! She loved him. In his wildest dreams he hardly dared imagine
that she might return his affection. All these years, wasted. No more. He was
here. She was in his arms, and he would never let go.
His callused hands held her- his dear Eirika-
sank once more into her hair, stroked her face as he kissed her again and
again. Her gloved hands slid up around his collar. Her fingers brushed across
the back of his neck. Electric jolts
went down his spine, and he almost lost control of himself entirely. Biting back
a murmur, he brushed his lips against hers once more and finally pulled away,
just an inch. But after only a moment, only a breath or two, he found he
couldn’t keep away, not when she was this close, not when the desires of his
heart had been granted. He kissed her cheeks, erasing the tears that had
tormented him to see. He kissed her eyelids, and she let out a half-crazed
laugh. Seth tried futilely to calm himself. The years of adoration, unable to
be expressed, had been consuming him, and now that he was here, that this was
happening… What was calm?
“Is this a dream?” He murmured as
his lips touched the skin below her ear.
“If it is,” she replied, “I never
want to wake up.”
Any ideas of containing himself
were dashed with those words. She shivered when he kissed her neck, and he
wrapped his arms more tightly around her.
“Seth,” she said. Her
responsibilities intruding upon her thoughts as she realized just how long they’d
been in here alone, talking…, kissing. What must everyone think was happening?
She suspected half the guard was outside the doors, waiting for the signal to
strike in fear for their queen’s life.
Oh,
but she didn’t want to leave.
Fervently, she whispered his name
again, trying and failing to draw his attention to her duties.
“Say it again,” he breathed,
kissing her jaw.
“Seth…” He silenced any further
words as he kissed her red, bitten lips. Eirika’s thoughts were banished from
her mind, and she grasped onto him to keep from completely melting into a pool
of gibberish.
When he finally released his hold
on her, she put her hands to his face, trying to catch her breath, the color in
her cheeks having deepened. “Seth, I have to… we can’t stay here. I…” she
poorly tried to explain as his feverish eyes raked across her face.
Wishing he didn’t understand what
she was trying to say, he concluded, “Duties?”
She nodded thankfully to this, having
had a hard time finding her voice at all, “duties.”
“My dear Eirika,” Seth spoke her
name lovingly. “Forgive me for losing myself.” She shook her head, attempting
to silence him, but he continued. “I know I shouldn’t have let myself lose all
sight of our vast difference in station, but I… Eirika, I can’t live without you. It was hard enough to
do before, but now? Now it would be entirely impossible.” Eirika’s face twisted
into one of softness and love. “This isn’t the time or place,” Seth murmured, “but
I can’t wait. Please, my love, I’m completely underserving…, but I beg you…
marry me.”
“Beloved Seth!” Eirika’s eyes
filled again with tears, but Seth thought—he hoped— that these were tears of a
different sort. “Of course,” Eirika said. “Of course I’ll marry you. I could
never marry another, knowing that you’re alive, that you love me back!”
Seth soared, the grin that had not
touched his face for so, so long,
finally finding its way back to where it belonged.
He kissed her. Oh, how he kissed
her. Never had he dreamed by the end of this reunion with his queen that he
would be holding her in his arms and kissing her without reserve. He wished
they could stay like this forever, adoringly clutched in each other’s arms. But
a knock at the door froze them both for an instant.
Then Eirika laughed almost
drunkenly, stroking Seth’s face. They quickly disentangled and rose to their
feet. A knock came again, and Seth sensed some urgency behind it. He realized,
suddenly, what all of the Queen’s poor guards must be thinking. He knew that if
he had been on the other side of those doors, he would be the epitome of anxiety.
Hastily, Eirika straightened her
ruffled clothing, and Seth, smiling, lovingly pushed a stray lock of her hair
back from her face. She returned the smile, and, finally neatened, sonorously
pronounced, “Enter.”
The door opened, and the man Seth
supposed was Eirika’s advisor— What was his name? Pater?— Entered. Glancing
between Seth and Eirika, still standing rather close together and off to the
side in the Great Hall, Pater said, “I’m so sorry to intrude, Your Highness,
but… That is…” Pater stuttered, “Do you… require anything?”
“Well, Pater, Seth shall be dining
with me tonight so please set another seat at the table.”
“Of course, You Majesty. If you are
ready to dine, the food and your guests been waiting for… quite some time.”
Eirika smiled, glancing at Seth.
“I’m famished,” she said. She looked back at her advisor, “We will be there
momentarily, Pater. Seth will escort me.” Seth longed to take her hand in his,
but with Pater watching, he just gazed at her instead.
Pater cleared his throat, “If that
is what you wish, your Majesty… Your guard are just outside these doors.” A
smile touched the corner of Seth’s lips, feeling that last statement was a
warning for him.
When Pater left, Seth murmured, “I
shall be dining with you tonight?”
She grinned, “Of course.” She took
his hands in hers. “Seth, my love, you shall be dining with me the rest your
life.”
Such words he never thought to
hear! “Eirika…, how could God have granted such divine a creature to me of all
men?” He would not let her answer that, for he wrapped his arms around her and
kissed her with all his heart and all the love he possessed, never to leave her
side again.
