Thursday, June 2, 2011

Caelan

I hope y'all like this, and if anyone has any suggestions for writing stuff better, please, do tell! :] And I'm truly going to try to focus on my fan-fiction soon! I really will!
Really...
Maybe...
Probably......
Well, you know, we'll see how it goes xD
***


He is one who many do shun
Even when plunged under the sun

The guardian angel comes in daylight,
But at night the monster thrives.
Like him become with just a bite;
No one likes this blood-sucking knight.

His love he gives to only one,
And yet he's left in isolation

Waiting, he stands beneath the trees
To try her blood and steal a kiss,
And soon it happens upon the leaves,
But to her boyfriend she quickly flees.

Sadly alone once more he stands there,
Sweetly recalling the smell of her hair,

But with her red blood still on his lips
His love, the monster hunts tonight,
And as the sun descends and dips
Away to his dark and barred cage he slips.

"Stop!" to the monster, he does beseech,
But it shoves good Caelan far from reach.

Roaring and angry the night will pass by,
Vampire trapped in it's cage yet again.
All through the darkness, the bars it shall pry
It howls at the light, a vicious cry

Caelan at dawn, with new skin will arise
An idea in his mind, oh how wise!

There's something he wants to attain
An acquaintance of his'll be threatened.
Great pain for this man he will fain.
And what in the end shall he gain?

Why, no less, than a serum of Wolfsbane!

14 comments:

  1. Wow Skyril! AMAZING!!! I love it! You are so gifted! Will you write another poem? PWEEEEEEESE???
    :D

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  2. OK. I think the poem be rather good.

    But you wanted some advise. So here goes.

    Poems don't always have to rhyme. Sometimes by forcing things to rhyme it tends to ruin the mood and message of the poem. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. You just have to use your judgement.

    The rhythm was alright. Brilliant in some places but not in others.

    So to with the rhyming.

    If you want to improve (everyone can always improve) then I suggest just a lot of practice. And if you've really gotten into poetry then I suggest reading a lot of it.

    You have a diamond of a poem here. But in the rough I would say. Now you need to polish the diamond to make it truly shine.

    Don't be afraid not to rhyme. Yes it can be really effective but so do those that don't. Branch out a little. Have fun with it mainly.

    That's the real key. Having fun.

    But an awesome poem!

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  3. You've got a brilliant use of language, imagery and topic though.

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  4. lol, Kallista :] Thanks! And... I don't know :P I really SHOULD get back to my fan-fic xD


    @Octa
    Yeah... that's good advice, I know. I just don't really know how to make a poem without rhyming... I was never much into poetry until I started reading yours and some songs of others of Blogland. I'll try it sometime, though. :]
    And thank you! :D Compliments on my poetry from the Purple Poet himself is awesome-sauce! :3

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  5. And I will keep in my the polishing of the gem thing. :]

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  6. I edited a few things... I think it flows a tad better. :]

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  7. Octa is wise. Read lots of poetry, rhyming and non-. Read it out loud! Read your own poems out loud.

    This was good, though. Yay, Caelan!

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  8. Really good. Amazingly so.

    Strong sentences and great descriptive words xD Keep it up!

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  9. Thanks, Guys! :D
    And I will take Octa's advice and try to improve. :]

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  10. Wow Skyril this is such an awesome poem! I love it!

    And I also love that pic of katniss you did on deviantart but I couldn't post a comment on it! I love the hunger games and you totally did it justice!

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  11. Thanks, Geckogirl! :D

    But, unfortunately, that picture wasn't done by me. It was in my favorites and I clicked on it to get the link to show Hellboy xP
    I wish it was though :P

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  12. wow! This is AMAZING! I love this poem, it really reflects his thoughts...


    ...then again, I know nothing about poetry!


    :P

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